Talk Is Cheap
by waitingondelena
Summary: How did Damon manage to get Elena's number anyway? We never really found out. But it's all explained in this one-shot. Takes place between 1x7 Haunted and 1x8 162 Candles.


"Baby I like it…"

I sauntered through the hallway of the house, the iPod I found in Stefan's room stuck in my ears. Most of the songs were new, annoying, and crap, with the unfailing ability to get stuck in your head for days.

But what could I say. I was bored.

Stefan was out hunting, if you could even call it that, and I knew maybe one and a half people in this town, tops. More if you counted the ones cold in the ground.

I was in self-exile. My plan was finally falling into place, but several other things needed to happen before I wooed the townspeople of Mystic Falls.

So here I was, stuck in the house, bored out of my mind, and dancing to a man with a fake sounding Spanish accent.

"Baby I like it, come on and give me some more!" I sang, sliding down the long hallway and ending in the doorway of the library. I started to move again to the incessant, pounding rhythm in my ear. "Uh uh I like it!"

My singing abruptly trailed off and I stopped dancing as I noticed something shiny on the small end table in the library. "Stefan?" I called, ripping out the headphones. My grin grew when no answer came. Finally, something to do.

I moved quickly over to the couch and flopped down on it, grabbing Stefan's cell phone as I went. Ha. My phone was better.

I shook my head. "Really very careless of you to leave your phone lying around Stefan," I said to the empty house, clucking my tongue. "Who knows who might pick it up and play with it?"

Feeling no guilt whatsoever at going through Stefan's personal things, I opened his contacts and began scrolling through them.

"Don't know you, don't know you…don't care about you, you're a dick…Lexi." For a moment I toyed around with the idea of calling her and messing with her. After all, she could be useful later on in my plan to get Katherine back.

I grimaced. I probably shouldn't call her then. She was so easily annoyed and touchy.

I smirked when I scrolled to the next name, glad I hadn't called Lexi after all. _Elena Gilbert_. Well, well, well.

This day just got a whole lot more interesting.

I put the phone to my ear, not even hesitating to hit call. She picked up on the second ring. "Stefan?"

"No," I said cheerfully, leaning back in my chair. "This is the better looking brother speaking."

There was silence and then finally a confused, "Damon?"

"Well at least you aren't blind. Yes Elena, what do you need?"

I could picture her glaring on the other end of the line, slowly preparing herself for me. That's one of the things I loved about Elena. She always fought back. "You called _me _ Damon. I want to know why. And why are you on Stefan's phone?"

"Sheer boredom Elena. Stefan has this number listed under Booty Call. I was curious."

"Booty Call?" Elena asked, laughing. "That sounds like the name of the only contact in your phone."

"Sure, but I have it listed several times over so I never know what I'm getting. I like surprises."

"Come on Damon. You expect me to believe you had nothing better to do than to call me?"

"Elena, I am surprised at you. What could I possibly be doing that would be more enjoyable than talking to you?"

"Don't you have a big evil master plan?" she asked, her voice taking on a sarcastic note at the end.

"As far as you know, I could be carrying it out right now."

"How?" she asked suspiciously. I grinned. She sounded curious despite herself.

"Would you like anyone dead Elena? I suppose I could kill someone just for you when I go out on my massive spree."

"Don't you dare even joke about killing anybody."

"Why not?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "I've already killed, what's a couple more?"

"Those are people!"

"Yawn. I sense a serious conversation. Subject change. Did you watch Jersey Shore last night?"

"Seriously Damon, is there any point to this conversation? Because if there's not, I'm just gonna go."

"All right," I said cheerfully. "I'll call you later."

"Nice try. You don't have my number."

I rolled my eyes. "Really Elena? Then how am I talking to you?"

"I know that," she snapped. "I mean you don't have my number on your phone."

"Elena, as I will tediously remind you, I am a vampire. I memorized your number the second I saw it. I'm good at that." She began to speak, but I overrode her, continuing, "besides, I'm sure I don't need it. I bet you'll be calling me back within the day."

"You're full of it."

"I'm full of something," I agreed, but she had already hung up. I smiled and stared at the fireplace, wondering if it was worth it to get up from the couch and light it. But before I decide I heard a phone ring. And this time it was mine.

I picked it up, not even bothering to check the caller ID. "Hello Elena."

I heard a groan and imagined Elena sitting in her room in that window seat she favored, her head pushed up against the wall in exasperation. "Damon. I had a feeling this would be you."

"Because of the perfect name description?"

"Because nobody else would put their number in my phone under the header, 'Call for Good Time'."

"Well it's true Elena," I said, heaving myself off the couch and over to the fireplace. "I'm full of good times."

"When did you put this in my phone?"

"That's for me to know…."

"I swear, you're like a ten year old."

"Now you're just being offensive. You know full well I turned eleven last month."

"I'm deleting your number," she groused.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"Why not?" she asked. "What are you going to do to me? We've already established that you're not going to kill me."

"Yet. I'm not going to kill you yet," I corrected. Although I had noticed I had more fun when I was messing with Elena. Even when Captain Buzzkill was around.

"Ok, so, if you're not going to kill me _yet_, why should I keep your number?"

"In case you need me of course." I picked up the poker and shoved a log in the fireplace aside, before lighting a match and throwing it on the mess of kindling already there. "FYI: you're going to need me."

"I suppose you mean for something other than phone calls straddling the lines of harassment."

I smirked. "What can I say, they're my specialty. Laugh if you want, but my number will be the one you wish you had to save you from the things that go bump in the night."

"My boyfriend is more than capable of—"

"Since when has Bunny Blood been capable of anything? Trust me, when you're face to face with your first hostile vampire, you'll want my number."

She sighed. "You don't qualify as hostile?"

"I never said that," I told her. "My, my, my Elena, arrogant, glib, hostile…you've been thinking up quite a list of words for me. I'd love to hear the rest."

"Fine I'll keep your number! But I'm changing the description to Damon."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night honey," I grinned. "Speaking of which—"

"Good bye Damon," she said firmly.

"Sweet dreams Elena," I sang. I hung up the phone and heard the front door open, betraying Stefan's entrance into the house. I threw my phone on the couch and moved behind it to the liquor table, grabbing the tumbler of scotch I had left there.

"And the Golden Boy returns," I breathed, taking a sip.

Moments later Stefan appeared in the doorway. "Who were you talking to?"

"Hello Stefan," I said, ignoring his question and sending him a sarcastic smile. "Have fun hunting? Any forest creature revolts today?"

Stefan wasn't paying attention. Instead, he was looking around the room, as if he thought I was hiding something from him. Finally he looked at me. "What have you been up to Damon?"

I smiled and flipped his phone to him. "Elena called."

Moving past Stefan, who was staring at his phone, I left the room, whistling.

"Baby I like it…"


End file.
